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[10 Mar 2004|07:53pm] |
=Now=
Current mood: pissed off / missing someone
Current music: nora jones.. making me sad
Current taste: spit
Current hair: up
Current clothes: pj pants and a tee shirt
Current annoyance: people.. grr
Current smell: fresh air
Current thing I ought to be doin: homework
Current windows open: one right next to me
Current desktop picture: windows desktop lol
Current favorite band: yellowcard
Current book: the girl who loved tom gordon
Current cd in stereo: 3 diff. 1s: jets to brazil,yellowcard,story of the year
Current crush: i wish i didn't have these feelings..
Current favorite celeb: ashton <3
Current hate: idk
=Do I=
Smoke?: not recently
Do drugs?: hmm
Have sex?: not yet
Give oral sex?: not yet
Receive oral sex?: not yet
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yea...
Remember your first love?: urgh.. yea..
Still love him/her?: mhm
Read the newspaper?: nope
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yea
Believe in miracles?: nope
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: I guess so
Consider love a mistake?: no
Like the taste of alcohol? yes
Have a favorite candy?: skittles
Believe in astrology?: na
Believe in magic?: no
Believe in god?: yea
Have any pets: yea
Go to or plan to go to college: yes
Have any piercings?: no
Have any tattoos?: nope
Hate yourself: sometimes
Have an obsession?: yea
Have a secret crush?: it's not relle a secret
Do they know yet?: yeah
Have a best friend?: yesm..2 of them
Wish on stars?: sometimes
Care about looks?: no
=Love life=
First crush: greg amatrudo .. hahaha
First kiss: :-X <3 amazing
Single or attached?: single and yet.. attached
Ever been in love?: maybe idk
Do you believe in love at first sight? not relle
Do you believe in "the one?": yea
Describe your ideal significant other: someone who likes you for who u r
=Juicy stuff=
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: memories.. haha
Have you ever been intoxicated?: yea
Favorite place to be kissed?: a bed
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": almost!
Are you a tease? idk, am i? :0P
Shy to make the first move?: at first, yea
=Word association=
Rubber: ducky
Rock: star
Green: tea
Wet: suit
Cry: baby
Peanut: butter
Hay: is for horses
Cold: achoo!
Steamy: shower
Fast: and the furious
Freaky: Friday
Rain: drops
Bite: me
fuck: it
Blow: BAHAHA..
Religion: god
--APPEARANCE:--
Hair: blond
Eyes: blue
Height: 5"9
--LAST THING YOU:--
Bought: lunch @ school
Ate & Drank: coke and dinnnerr
Read: IMs
Watched on TV: dont remember
--EITHER / OR:--
club or houseparty: houseparty
beer or cider: beer
drinks or shots: shots
cats or dogs: dogs
single or taken: taken
pen or pencil: pen
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: pepsi
this or that: either or
--WHO DO YOU WANT TO:--
kill: no one relle
get really wasted with: last time it happened, he frickin made fun of me - thanks clay
look like: i wanna be pretty. plain and simple
be like: the one that he wants..
avoid: people who don't like me or my family
--LAST PERSON YOU--
talked to: mom
hugged: jamel
instant messaged: ash m
kissed: :0)
--WHERE DO YOU--
eat: the kitchen
cry: my room
wish you were: with him
--HAVE YOU EVER...--
Dated one of your best friends? yea
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yep
Drank alcohol? yep
Broken the law? yep
Run away from home? yea, but i made it out the front door
Broken a bone? yea
Played Truth Or Dare? yea
Kissed someone you didn't know? nope
Been in a fight? yes
Come close to dying? sometimes i wish..
--WHAT IS:--
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: 2gether
Your bedroom like?: girly..lol but comfortable - i think
Your favorite thing for breakfast? dont eat breakfast
Your favorite restaurant?: spanos or woodys
-RANDOM QUESTIONS--
What's on your bedside table?: lamp,pictures
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: i get my water
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: a walk to remember
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: idk
What is your biggest fear?: loosing him
What feature are you most insecure about?: myself.
Do you ever have to beg?: yea
Are you a pyromaniac?: i love fire
Do you have too many love interests?: na
Crushes?: currently..
Do you know anyone famous?: na
Describe your bed: comfy
Spontaneous or plain?: spontaneous
Do you know how to play poker?: yep
What do you carry with you at all times?: phone, money
How do you drive?: no
What do you miss most about being little?: everything
Are you happy with your given name?: yeah
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: .... alot
What color is your bedroom?: like.. idk lol goldish
What was the last song you were listening to?: some nora jones stuff
Have you ever been in a play?: no
Who are your best friends?: ash and gab
Do you talk a lot?: yes
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: eh, sometimes
Do you think you're cute?: no.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? no
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: sure, I guess
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: i love my friends
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: yey, happy people
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[10 Mar 2004|06:29pm] |
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the funniest shit right here.. ash and i had the strangest day so we just decided to add on to it..
THERE WAS A GIRL NAMED ASHLEY WHO LIVED ON A STREET CORNER BEING A PROSTITUTE - ONE DAY A REALLY OLD MAN ABOUT 80 YEARS OLD PICKED ASHLEY UP AND ASKED HER TO DO HIM IN.. SHE DECLINED ND RECOMENDED PAMELA.. WHO WAS A HO ON THE NEXT CORNER... HE DROVE UP TO HER AND ASKED HER TO DO HIM IN.... SHE AGREED AND THEN WENT IN HIS CAR.. THEY PULLED INTO AN ALLEY AND THEN SHE... DID HIM IN AND WAS A GOOD OL' 2 BUCKS RICHER - AS PAM WALKED BY ASHLEY WAVING THE EXTRA 2 DOLLARS IN THE AIR, ASHLEY.. WAVED $50 IN HER FACE FROM THE 18 YR OLD HOTTIE SHE JUST DID OVA ND OVA ND OVA AGEN.... THEN PAM RUNS TO THE NEXT CORNER WHERE THERES A TRUCK FULL OF HOTT ASS COWBOYS WITH CHAPS ON, THEY ASKED PAM TO DO THEM IN - SO PAM GETS IN THE BACK OF THEIR 97 CHEVY PICKUP AND STICKS HER TONGUE OUT AT ASHLEY AS SHE PASSES BY HER.. THE CAR THEN STOPS ND ASHLEY GETS IN ND HELPS PAM ALONG ND SPILTS THE PROFIT.. "WOW THAT WAS THE GREATEST ORGY EVER... WE GOTTAA DO THAT WITH THE GUYS PULLIN UP NOW... O0O WUT FUN!!"...ASHLEY AND PAM THEN GET INTO A PORSCHE (BECAUSE THEY WERE TAUGHT ALWAYS TO PICK THE NICE, SXE COMFORTABLE CARS INSTEAD OF THE ONE WITH .. WELL NVM) AND IN THE FRONT SEAT SITS ASHTON KUTCHER AND ORLANDO BLOOM.... ASHLEY IMMEDIATELY HOOKS UP WITH ORLANDO BLOOM AD PAMS ALREADY STRIPPIN ASHTON OF HIS CLOTHES... WHILE IN FULL THROTTLE... ORLANDO BLOOM TAKES US TO THE MOST EXPENSIVE HOTEL AND BUYS A SUITE FOR A WEEK.. AND OFFERED $1,000,000 TO EACH OF US TO SPEND THE WEEK WITH THEM... (LIK IN PRETTY WOMAN.. BUT WITH HOTTTTTTTIESS HEHHE) WE HAPPILY AGREE ND PAM ND ASHTON THEN RUSH INTO THE BEDROOM WHILE ORLANDO AND ASHLEY RUN INTO THE HOTTUB.....PAM GETS TO THE DIRTY WORK WITH ASHTON AND HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND AT ALL, AFTER 2 HOURS OF HOT STEAMY SEX THEY GO INTO THE ROOM WITH THE HOT TUB BUT WALK RIGHT OUT BECAUSE EVEN AFTER 2 HOURS, ASHLEY AND ORLANDO WERE STILL GOING AT IT.. WHILE PAM ND ASHTON WAITED QUIETLY *COUGH* YEA RITEE "O0O0O ASHTON HARDER!! FASTER"*COUGH* ASH ND ORLANDO GET FINISHED ND AFTERWARDS WE GO OUT FOR A NIGHT ON THE TOWN... THE BOYS TAKE US OUT TO DINNER ND CLUBBIN.. ND AFTERWARDS THE LADIES TAKE THEM TO THEIR STRIP CLUB TO SHOW THEM WUT THERE GUNNA GET SUM MORE OF.... SO AFTER ABOUT 3 HOURS OF CLUBBIN WE ALL GO BACK TO THE HOTEL SUITE AND GO TO SLEEP, THE NEXT DAY ORLANDO ASKS ASHLEY TO MARRY HIM, AND ASHTON ASKS PAM. THEY BOTH AGREED AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO WORK ON THE STREET CORNER ANYMORE, BUT PAM WILL ALWAYS MISS THE 80 YEAR OLD MAN, POOR GUY GOT SENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND DIED 2 HOURS AFTER THEY HAD SEX - . HEART ATTACK . -.... WE ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER... O BTW IF U EVER HEAR "O0O ASHTON YEAA RIGHT THERE!!" OR "ORLANDO U KNO THATS THE WAYY I LIK IT.." THEN U KNO WHO IT IS... SRY TO ALL U GUYS WHO MISS US ON THE STREETS.. WE'LL MISS U TOO *COUGH* HAH YEAA RITEE!!! *COUGH* THANK YOU TO EVERY GUY WHO MADE US AS GOOD AS WE ARE TODAY... THE END
red=me
light blue = ash
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| :: confused |
[09 Mar 2004|06:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
yea i'm back to my confusing stage haha. school was actually pretty good today, people weren't annoying me which kind of surprised me. jackie and i had an intresting talk on the bus, then again we always have perverted/private talks haha. thanks for bein there jackie - you always know how to make me smile and yet you know how to piss me off too but it's never really permanent haha. anyways, i just got done doing like 2 loads of laundry and i still have like 3 to go haha wow. i cleaned my room and it looks all nice and perdy :0) gotta babysit on saturday *sigh* :0/
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| great day |
[08 Mar 2004|08:35pm] |
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parade was amazing. being home alone at my aunts how is really fun. but being in the backseat of the truck is even better. i feel really sick right now but um yea so im guna go. :: <33 me
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[07 Mar 2004|08:18pm] |
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thanks jordan.. it makes me feel special :0)
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| BORED.. |
[07 Mar 2004|07:57pm] |
Name: Pamela D
Nicknames: Pam,Pammi
Birthday: 9/27/89
Hobbies: friends,speed events,aim,music
Screen Name: wishingawayx
Eye color: blue
Hair color: blond
Natural Hair: blond
Who do you like<3: you! mwa!
- Favorite -
Number: 16
Color(s): black,red,yellow
Place: idk, anywhere but here
State: wyoming, new york
Country: mexico
Book: stranger with my face
Game: TWISTER
Drug: you're the perfect drug..
Condom: FLAVORED! lmao idk
Movie: Half Baked
Store: pacsun,hot topic,fye
Person(s): alot of people
Internet activity: aim
- Do You -
Cut urself: next question please
Lick urself: ohh baby.. haha
Whine a lot: probably
Yell a lot: definitly
Hate a lot of people: only a couple
Have too many friends: u can never have too many
Want to die: not at this moment
Believe in life after death: yeah
Go to church: nope
Love school: its ok
Have a bf/gf: no
Smoke: no
Have sex?: hmm.. lemme think
Do drugs?: nope
Wear dark colors: yep - i heart black
Try to be different: i try i try
Have any peircings: im afraid of needles
Break bones a lot: broke my kneecap.. ow, and almost broke my ass skateboarding lmao
Dye your hair: highlights
- Have you ever -
Kissed someone: yes
Had sex: no
Frenched someone: yes
Killed someone: nope
Been raped: nope
Shopped for condoms: i've looked
Smoked: yep
Gotten Drunk: yep
Worn rainbow: no
Talked on the phone for over 3 hours: 5hrs 42min to be exact
Left the country: ummm i went to canada? lmao
Had a party with over 30 people: not at my house
Taken nude pictures: no
Taped yourself having sex: kinky
Stolen something: seaside.. yea..
Broken a bone: in half
Ran away from home: i tried, but then mom called me in cause it was time for my favorite tv show
Burned yourself: yea
Caught something on fire: my house almost
Cheated on someone: no, even tho he thinks i did
Wanted to cheat on someone: i wanted to wen he accused me
Fell in love online: woah um.... idk
Asked someone out: yes
Been dumped: yes
Dumped someone: yes
Had a dream then the next day it happens: yes!!!!!
Called a porn hotline: nope
- Pick One -
Cat/Dog: Dog
Hot/Cold: cold
Far/Near: near
Water/Land: land
Kiss/Sex: both
Online/Phone: both
Beer/Book: BEER!!!
Novel/Poetry: Poetry
Music/Silence: Music
- Dream Mate -
Short/Long Hair: Short
Tall/Short: taller then me
Preppy/Dorky/Druggie:labels are a waste of time
Freckles/No Freckles: doesn't matter
Hair Color: brown or black i dont really care
Hat/No hat: Both
Fat/Thin: doesnt matter
Makeup/No Makeup: eyeliners fuckin hot... dave <3 ah
Dressy/Casual: Casual i hate dressy
Holding hands/Holding 'other body parts': depends on what "other body parts"
- LAST PERSON -
You Touched: i touched my mommys hand
You Talked to: mamadukes
You Hugged: mamadukes
You Instant messaged: colin
You Yelled At: ally
Who Broke Your Heart: no comment
- ARE YOU -
Understanding: i think so
Open-minded? i try
Arrogant: dont think so...
Insecure: probably
Interesting: i try
Hungry: nope
Smart: not relle
Childish: yes!
Independent: not relle
Hard working: idk.....
Organized: my room is
Healthy: ....BAHAHAHAHA *takes sip of wine cooler* haaaa!!
Emotionally Stable: not at all
Shy: me? ahha never
Difficult: probably
Attractive: are you insane? (that isnt a yes or a no, thats an "are you insane?")
Bored Easily: yes.. extremly
Messy: nopee
Thirsty: mmm.. nope
Responsible: yep
Obsessed: prolly
Angry: no
Sad: yea, sorta
Happy: maybe
Trusting: i dont trust anyone really, but im learning
ill: yeah im illin like bob dylan on pennicilin
Talkative: haha yes!
Legal: nopeee
Original: idk
Ignored: no
Reliable: im always here...
Self-disciplined: sometimes
Sleepy: yes
Lonely: 24/7...
- WHO DO YOU WANT TO -
Kill: no comment
Slap: ASHLEY! lmao
Get Really Wasted With: ash,gab,rob,mike,<3jarred lmao
Tickle: idk
Look Like: JESSICA SIMPSON! .. bitch
Be Like: the one he loves
talk to: no comment
Talk To Online: ashley mickiewicz.. guna kick her ass
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[07 Mar 2004|11:10am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
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You sat me down beside myself
To show me all the reasons I was wrong for you
Was this for real? It's hard to tell
'Cause it was such a beautiful mess we had got into
I'm gonna overcome this, paper hearts can't win this time
And all along I should have known this wasn't your dream, it was mine
I know you wanted me to give up this life to be
Everything I was back when you had the hands my heart was in
I was never good at goodbye...
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
When we were starting out, you believed in me without a doubt
You were the finest thing to happen to a *girl like me
It's so much harder now, I wanna try and tell you how
There is so much love in me, even though it's hard to see
And I was never good at goodbye...
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
'Cause I'd rather be dead than make more mistakes
Today I couldn't stay awake
Feels like I'm drowning in this firewater lake
I won't be sleeping much tonight
It's not the same without you lying by my side
(Right beside me)
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
So this brain in my head can forget your face
Can I swallow this bottle whole?
'Cause I'd rather be dead than make more mistakes
I know you wanted me to give up my life to be
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
Everything I am when you're the only thing that I can see
(Can I swallow this bottle whole?)
I'm sorry but you're not the, not the only one for me
(So this brain in my head can forget your face)
You left me here beside myself
Left me with all the reasons why I was wrong for you
xihurleygirlieix: he hurts u allll the time
i'd hate to admit it . .. but she's right.
Wishing Away x: then why is it so hard to say goodbye?
but it is . .. it really is.
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| friday was amazing |
[07 Mar 2004|09:07am] |
ahh!! so ally picked me up around 6:30 last night and we headed off to the mall.. we saw alot of people that we knew.. but we saw GABRIEL omg.. ahh he remembered us :0) and i saw james :0( which totally ruined my night considering he was sort of all over another girl and didn't even notice i was there -oh well, i'll call him tonight and tell him i saw him. clay was there : made me feel a little better. then shopped at rave...... got some cute stuff lol. then just randomly walked around the mall and just hung out..
back at allys we were watching this really scary movie, jumped about 7 times because of the suspense haha. um yea so idk what i'm guna do today - ally just dropped me off cause she needed to go to track and um here i am.
ohhhh yea!!! I SAW ANGELA!!!! i missed her sooooooooooo much :0)
-pam
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[05 Mar 2004|09:01pm] |
today was good :0) staying afterschool with the gang if fun to do hehe. i took my 2 tests, then we walked to woodys, then to the gazibo and um stuff haha. went back to the school and played frizbee, fun ass game - i almost fell like 20 times. then i went to a very good friends house. yep. good day! i hope more of them are like this - life would definitly rock.
plans ::
friday ; sleepover w/ ally and amanda.. mall .. movies .. smoothies .. dancing .. fun .. memories .. pictures WOOHOO!
saturday ; ride, order out, rent a movie, relax, sleep
sunday ; belmar, parade, go to the beach, have me some fun
:: GUNNA BE A GOOD WEEKEND :0) ::
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| ..blah |
[03 Mar 2004|09:04pm] |
i'm totally fucking pissed off right now, people shouldn't give a fuck who i'm friends with, even if they are friends with someone someone else hates. (yea i kno probably doesn't make any sense but.. psh.)
ok so i had testing this morning.. gr.. i failed.. idc anymore. then i went to spanish, it was ok- i got my frickin seat changed so i sat by guy, but then AMANDA moved by me WOOOOOHOOOOOO!! then lunch, always crazy.. hell yeas. then 1rst period - gr. 2nd - umm ok?.. yea it was hot, and clay was late for spanish *tisk tisk*. 4th period - i was in mr.riveras office the whole entire time talking and getting everything out - it was cool. then i stayed afterschool with the gang, was pretty sweeetness if you ask me. like 5 of my brothers friends were giving me lots of needed attention :0) haha.. the bus ride home was crazy - we were all talking about liek hooking up and stuff haha, everyone loves my bracelets <3, i only have 2 left tho :0( *sigh* anyways - then i came home and danced for a big :0) and then cleaned, and went outside and took some pictures hehe. and here i am. missing someone tho.. lmao kidding kidding :0P
<33 * me
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[01 Mar 2004|08:12pm] |
Current...
Clothes-t-shirt and shorts
Mood- good now :0)
Music- Just until undown - further seems forever
Taste- dinner
Make-up- none
Annoyance- Computer chair.. gR!
Smell- fresh air
Desktop Picture-ponyboy <3
Book you're reading-the girl who loved tom gordon
CD in CD Player-finch
DVD in player- What women want, watched it 2day
Refreshment- i l o v e r o o t b e e r
Worry- normal people.. haha
First best friend: Ally Ousley
First real memory of something: first horse
First job: volunteer
First screen name: palma92789
First funeral : nana :0(
First pets: Blitz
First piercing/tattoo: ears
First love: ummmmmmmm.....
First enemy: no comment
First big trip: Canada
Last kiss location: :0) hehe
Last good cry: 2hrs ago
Last phone call: ash
Last tv show watched: umm.. degrassi
Last time showered: 1 hr ago
Last shoes worn: Vans
Last item bought: pony boy stuff <3
Last ice cream eaten: mint choc chip
Last Soda Drank: ROOT BEER!!!
Last time wanting to die : urgh.. shut up you
LAST PERSON...
You Talked to- Smash
You Hugged-my mom.. she needed it
You Instant messaged- Clayton
To Instant Message you- Clayton
You Yelled At- my brother
You Kissed- ;0)
ARE YOU...
Understanding- sometimes
Open-minded- very
Arrogant- idk maybe
Insecure- sometimes
Interesting- yep
Random- VERY!!!! .. cheese
Friendly- yeppp
Smart- i guess
Moody- DEFINITLY
Childish- haha yeaaa
Independent- yepper
Hard working- sometimes
Organized- only my room
Healthy- idk haha
Emotionally Stable- not at all
Difficult-nope
Attractive- you decide..
Bored Easily- nopee
Responsible- so-so
Angry- alot
Sad-alot Happy- at the moment.. yes
Hyper- not at the moment
Trusting- yea
Talkative- umm. depends
I KNOW: what i want out of this..
I WANT: A boyfriend
I HAVE: a horse
I WISH: to get... him
I HATE: no
comment
MISS: jocelyn and seaside
I FEAR: someone breaking my heart again
I HEAR: music and footsteps
I SEARCH: for a good explanation
I WONDER: if ill get enough courage
I REGRET: nothing
I LOVE: him
I ACHE: to break.. idk lol
:what did you do :
last birthday: i forget hha
last weekend:studied christmas: dads and aunt dianes,then back to mom then to tammys
new year's eve: oh man.. wut did i do? smashleys?
halloween:concert w/ candi and clay
valentine's day:;0)
opinions :
what do you think about pop music: um.. i don't think about it
about boy bands: punk/emo = ahh orgy
about flag burning: fuckers should die
of the war on terrorists:assholes.. war sucks
about suicide:shut up
about people who try to force their opinions on you: ew.. no
about rock/metal music: :0)
where do you think you'll be in 10 years: colorado or wyoming
how many hearts have you broken:umm.. tommy.. jarred.. ilu guys lol
how many people broke your heart:1
do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: nope
do you have a picture of him/her: wtf
do you have a picture of yourself: yep
do you go by looks or personality: personality
so what is your bf/gf/crush like: .. amazing
Best eye color? blue
Best hair color? brown
Short or long hair: long
Height: taller than me
Best weight: idc
-who-
makes u laugh the most? smashley
makes you smile? everything makes me smile :0)
gives u a funny feeling when u see them: ;0)
who do you have a crush on? ;0)
has a crush on u?-tommy and jarred <3 my sweethearts
is easiest to talk to?- lara
FIRST PERSON THAT YOU THINK OF:
a-ashley
b - bob
c - clay
d - dan
e - eric
f -franky
g -greg
h - hank
i - ian
j - jarred
k - kenny
l - lauren
m -mike
n – nick
o – olivia
p - pat
q - quackers (james' duck lmao)
r – ryan
s - steve
t - tommy
u - vinny.. uccio
v - veronica
w - wayne
x – xtremely gay survey J/K
y - yashika
z - zipper
Random:
Last Song You Sang?: just until sundown
Last Thing You Laughed At?: ... urine cup ... hahaha
Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It?: idk if i ever meant it
What's Under Your Bed?:muhuhaha
What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 9:41
Last CD You Bought?: idk
Favorite Place To Be?: ;0)
Least Favorite Place?: at home
If You Could Play An Instrument?: acoustic quitatr
Do You Believe In An Afterlife?: yah
How Tall Are You?: 5'9"
Favorite Season?: fall
One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To: my nana
Favorite Day?: Saturday
Where Would You Like To Go?: Australia
Lyrics From A Random Song: ladies hands up lemme see u shake ur stuff [ haha dont ask ]
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| <|3 |
[01 Mar 2004|05:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
mom and brother are fighting while i was watching a movie.. i was sitting there and they both just started to scream at each other, then my mom told him she had a tumor in her brain, yea i already knew that but - yea. so many things are getting to me, my self-esteem is so low right now it's crazy. i wish i could be like her so he would love me like he does her but nope, not going to happen. i seriouslly wish i was pretty, and i wish i could be a regular person with a regular life. some people have it so easy they have no clue. my dad doesn't give a shit anymore - we had a fight, and i don't think he's going to forgive me anytime soon. so now i'm sitting here crying, thinking of everything i could loose.. oh shit here we go again - my brothers screaming, slamming doors - i'm so fucking pissed off i need someone here with me :0(.. i can't stand it anymore.. i wish all the pain would just go away..theres only one thing that would cure the pain but i promised 'him' i wouldn't do it anymore.. last night while writing in my diary the concert ticket he gave me was the only thing stopping me from doing that something stupid. i feel so used, so ignorant, so god damn useless. just make the pain go away . .. please? :0(
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[01 Mar 2004|12:24pm] |
*my name is*: Pam
*in the morning*: you meen afternoon?
*love is*: pointless
*i dream about*: urgh
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
*what do you notice first?*: eyes
*last person u slow danced with*: tommy.. ahh
-W H O-
*do you have a crush on?*: no comment
*is easiest to talk to*: smashley & johnny
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
*fallen for your best friend*: yep
*been in love*: idk
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
*you talked to on the phone*: ash & gab
*hugged*: ash
*you laughed with*: myself.. yea.. scary
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
*could you live without the computer?*: idk maybe
*what's your favorite food?*: italian.. definitly
*whats ur favorite fruit?* cherries or strawberries
*what hurts the most?*: heartbreak
*trust others way too easily?*: yep
-N U M B E R-
*of times i have had my heart broken? *: currently - but 2
*of hearts i have broken?*: 2 guys said i broke their hearts :0/
*of boys i have kissed?* : no comment
*of girls i have kissed?* : none
*of drugs taken illegally?* : *ignoring this*
*of tight friends?*: like 5 er 6
*of cd's that i own?* : like 50
*of scars on my body?* : i can't count that high
*of things in my past that i regret?* : like 1 thing
-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
*i know*: who i am
*i want*: to be *her*
*i have*: never felt so dead
*i wish*: i was *her*
*i hate*: liars and spiders
*i miss*: steve
*i fear*: waking up each morning
*i hear*: love songs.. gr
*i love*: him
*i care*: about friends
*i will always*: have feelings for him
*i dance*: like a ... haha
*i cry*: everyday
*i write*: depressing emo stuff
*i confuse*: myself
*i can usually be found*: in my room
*i need*: him to understand
*druggie*: shut up
*gang member*: hmm...
*daydreamer*: yep
*freak*: sometimes
*brat*: yep
*sarcastic*: all the time
*goody-goody*: i dont think so
*angel*: hell yes
*devil*: sXe .. yea..
*friend*: i hope
*shy*: na
*talkative*: depending on who i'm with
*adventurous*: definitly
*intelligent*: maybe
-Concerning.The.Friends.-(You.Claim.To.Have)
*most sarcastic*: me
*knows you best*: ash
*most entertaining*: johnny haha
*love to be around*: ;0)
*nicest*: umm.. all of them
*gives the best advice*: joc
*you are with most often: ;0)
-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
*your best feature*- eyes
*annoying thing you do*: breathe
*biggest mistake you've made this far*: falling in love
*describe your personality in one word*: undescribable
*the physical feature for which you are most often complimented*: eyes
*height*: 5'9"
*a smell that makes you smile*: ;0)
*a city/country you'd like to visit*: australia
*a delicious dessert*: strawberrries & whipped creaamm
*a book you highly recommend*: strange w/ my face
*the music you prefer while alone*: emo/punk stuff
*your favorite band*: yellowcard,jets to brazil
*a film you could watch over and over*: half baked
*TV show you watch regularly*: DEGRASSI!
*you live in a(n)*: house?
*your transportation*: my mom
*under your bed or in your closet you hide*: why would i say if i'm hiding it?
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| it's been a while.. |
[29 Feb 2004|07:03pm] |
|
yea wow i haven't updated in a while. so many things have happened.. most of them which i can't talk about. i made plans with someone but they cancelled so um, yea that sucks to be me right. anyway - friday ash and i skipped school and played hookie, went to harrisburg to the horse expo. shopped,watched,saw relle hot cowboys.. 'sure u can help me with my hat anyday ;0)' oh man.. wow.. yea i was walking around with my jaw down to the ground with all the nice stallions,cowboys,trucks,cowboys,trailers,cowboys,clothes and oh yea did i mention cowboys? anyway i saw my lover there - GaWani Pony Boy <3 i love him with all my life, i swear to god i'm going to marry this man someday. it took up about 2 1/2 hours to get there and almost 5 hours to get home from getting lost so much but ash and i still had fun. 'he looks like a pilgrim' i got chaps ;0) sexi right ash? hell yea. then we got home around 1:30 in the morning. my dad called me at around 9:30-10.. he's bein a real jerk. but my cousin david and his wife gave birth to a new baby girl, Grace. yea so then mom woke up and we went out to the farm - i did some groundwork for about 20minutes, then got on, walked around, did some barrels, then went on a trailride - went over this big hill where i literally had to lay on jimmys back to go down it or else i would have fell off.. but yea anyways im here listening to hilary duff.. how cool am i? lookin like a ghetto gangsta' cause i'm in baggy clothes.. VERy baggy haha.. cya
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| .. friends? yea.. ok.. |
[25 Feb 2004|07:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
alright, school sucked.. um.. came home.. went to clays.. studied.. yea.. umm.. came home and my friend started calling me an ugly slut, real nice huh? a couple words of advice for you - keep your mouth shut unless you know everything that's going on. haha yea so i don't believe in forever anymore.. ya kno what really pisses me off? when u show ur work to people u trust, and then they say 'oh yea i saw that poem, its not urs - i saw it on a homepage' so fucking not true. i do not plagerise anything .. all of my stuff is fucking from the heart, which u don't have.. go grow a heart god. i take pride in my writing, and that's the one thing u leave the fuck alone.
sorry this entry was a little umm.. fowl? yea.
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| another survey |
[23 Feb 2004|07:59am] |
fun night.. but now i'm bored so.. yea.
o. First name: pam
o. Middle name: elizabeth
o. Last name: 'veetz' hehe
o. Nickname(s): deveetz,poomer,piggy poo,pammi,pamalie
o. Age: 14
o. Birthday: sept 27,1989
o. Height: 5'9
o. Hair color: blondish brownish.. idk
o. Eye color: blue
o. Glasses: nope
o. Contacts: nope
o. Braces: nope
o. Hair short or long: shoulder length
o. Where you were born: jersey
o. Where you now live: jersey
o. Astrology sign: libra
o. Chinese zodiac sign: idk
o. Nationality: italian,polish
o. Bad habits: sighing.. it gets annoying
o. Piercing: none
o. Tattoos: none yet
o. Are you still in school: yep
o. Current grade: 9th
o. Favorite grade: 9th definitly
o. Worst grade: 8th grade sucked
o. Favorite teacher: MEGILL! hell yes. choir rawks.
o. Worst teacher: helms.
o. Favorite subject: Choir haha err English
o. Worst subject: world geography
o. Buy or bring lunch: buy
o. School sports: VOLLEYBALL!
o. High school: a-town
o. School activities: lifesavers - coolness rite?
o. Popular or what: haha yea ok
o. Favorite memory: ;0) alot of um'
o. Number: 16
o. Clothing brand: umm prolly element err dickies
o. Shoes: vans
o. Saying: "sex on a stick.. hell yea"
o. TV show: DEGRASSI!,viva la bam,till death..
o. Sport: hbr,volleyball,basketball
o. Vegetables: carrots
o. Fruit: strawberries
o. Movies: half baked, texas chainsaw massacre
o. Actress: umm mandy moore
o. Actor: JOHNNY DEPP <3
o. Candy: skittles
o. Gum: orbit
o. Scent: vanilla
o. Ice cream: choc. chip mint
o. Colors: black,red,grey
o. Season: spring and fall
o. Holidays: christmas and halloween
o. Band: yellowcard,blink182.. idk
o. Music: punk, rock, and emo
o. Thing in your room: my lava lamp!
o. Place to be: idk
o. Radio station: 92.3, 97.5, 98.5
o. TV channel: 53,123
o. Junk food: idk..chips?
o. Fast food place: ba da ba ba ba im lovin it
o. Restaurant: the sawmill, in seaside
o. Shape: umm? lol idk
o. Time of day: night.
o. Mall: pacsun babby
o. Car: stang
o. Music video: outkast: hey ya.. idk it's on now haha
o. Swear word: crap err shit
o. Month: july
o. Boyfriend/girlfriend: naw
o. Do you love anyone right now: not relle love, i like um' alot tho
o. Have you ever been in love: idk.. wut does it feel like?
o. Ever had sex: nope
o. How many hearts have you broken: tommy,jarred..
o. How many people broke your heart: 1
o. So what's your bf/gf like: stfu u loser
o. Do you go more by looks or personality: personality
o. Ever kiss a friend: yep
o. Are you still friends: best of :0)
o. Do you smoke: nope
o. How about weed: nope
o. Acid: r u fuckin nuts?
o. How about a little ecstasy: haha ur funny
o. Crack, heroin, anything else: nope
HAVE YOU EVER.
o. Flashed someone: lmao... umm...
o. Told the person you liked how you felt: yea
o. Gotten REALLY wasted: once
o. Gone to jail/juvenile detention: nope
o. Skateboarded: SMASHLEY! omg.. 'that felt good' haha
o. Skinny dipped: ash knows the answer 2 this 1..
o. Stolen anything from a store: seaside baby
o. Kissed someone of the same sex: nope
o. Been to a concert: yep
o. Been to another country: no
o. Talked back to an adult:all the time
o.Given money to a person: yes
o. Cried to get out of trouble: yes
o. Kissed a friend's brother/sister: nope
THE LAST THING
o. You ate: piece of bread .. a roll! yea!
o. You drank: soder
o. The last place you went: dropped clay off
o. Last thing you bought: nothin
o. Last person you saw: my mom?
o. Last person you talked to: my mom?
o. Last song you heard: folly-broken \m/ haha clay
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| survery time ** |
[23 Feb 2004|03:31am] |
*in the last 24 hours have you:
01. cried: nope
02. bought something: nope
03. gotten sick: nope
04. sang: yep
05. eaten: yep
06. been kissed: :0)
07. felt stupid: hell yea
08. wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't: yep
09. met someone new: nope
10. moved on: haha yea right
11. talk to an ex: jarred i miss u!
12. missed an ex: haha.. jarred
13. talked to someone you have a crush on:yep
14. had a serious talk: umm.. yea!
15. missed someone: *sigh* currently
16. hugged someone: :0) yep
17. fought with your parents: yea
18. dreamed about someone you can't be with:hehe yea
*basics
01. best girl friend: ashalie
02. best guy friend: clay
03. boyfriend/girlfriend: singlee
04. if no, current dating partner:..
05. hobbies: singing,music,horses
06. pager: nope
07. are you center of attention or the wallflower?: center of attention, a duh
08. what type automobile do you drive:ahh i wanna be 17
09. what type automobile do you wish you drove: mustang gt convertable, black w/ red interior.. niiice
10. would you rather be with friends or on a date: how bout on a double w/ ur best friend?
11. where is the best hangout: mall/movies
12. do you have a job: volunteer/babysitting
13. do you attend church: nope
14. do you like being around people: of course
who*
01. have you known the longest: allie o. since first grade hehe
02. do you argue the most with: michelle
03. do you always get along with: um lara
04. is the most trustworthy: all of um'
05. makes you laugh the most: smashley
06. has been there through all the hard times: all of my friends
07. has the coolest parents: laras dad is definitly the coolest fo' sho'haha.
08. has the scariest siblings: ashley - even tho i'm in love with her bro justin <3 aha jp
09. is the most blunt: ummm
10. is the smartest: do not know lol
*personal*
01. who is your role model: umm i've always wanted to be my mandy moore haha
02. what are some of your pet peeves: GUM POPPING!! AHH STOP!! haha
03. have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: yea haha woopsie
04. have you ever cried over the opposite sex: all the time
05. do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not-normal people :0P
06. have you ever lied to your best friend: i always get caught! lol
07. ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you: .. dont even get me started
08. would you rather be dumper or dumped? dumper
09. rather have a relationship or a "hookup": both r good
10. want someone you don't have right now: ahh
11. ever liked your best guy/girl friend:yep
12. do you want to get married: eventually
13. do you want kids: *cringes* kids
14. do you believe in psychics: haha ya
15. do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time:who doesn't? im guna marry johnny depp. yeA ok
17. what is your favorite part of your emotional being: huh?
18. are you happy with you: not relle
19. are you happy with your life: ehh
20. if you could change something in ur life what would it be: i wanna be -> 'the one'
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| - weekends almost over :0( |
[22 Feb 2004|10:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 satisfied |
] |
alright well i haven't updated in a while.. this weekend was pretty good - did nothing but study study study with clay.. yea - i like studying tho. i learned alot this weekend :: like how to live. i'm really scared cause my mom is extremly sick and idk what to do. we went on a trailride saturday and she was asking me all these horrible questions, like who i would move with if she died - and what i would want of hers.. i told her the only thing i want is for her to live a happy life, which my brother is making hard for her. anyways yea im done cause i was like about to cry haha. yep so im bored so im guna go do sum stuff, maybe write later if anything happens? idk.
- me
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|
[21 Feb 2004|03:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
Three things that scare me:
1: icicles
2: being shot
3: being thrown in front of a moving car
Three people who make me laugh:
1: smashley
2: clay
3: candice
Three Things I love:
1: music
2: doing absolutley nothing
3: . . . .
Three Things I hate:
1: stuck up people
2: people who judge others
3: full house
Three things I don't understand:
1: guys
2: girls
3: almost everything . . .
Three things on my desk:
1: water bottle
2: speakers
3: printer
Three things I'm doing right now:
1: watching tv
2: blinking
3: typing
Three things I want to do before I die:
1: have a real relationship
2: run away for a week w/[ him ] . . .
3: have sex
Three things I can do:
1: curl my tongue
2: make my finger look rubber haha
3: make goat noises..
Three ways to describe my personality:
1: random
2: mean
3: strange
Three things I can't do:
1: roll my tongue
2: crack my knuckles *cringes*
3: tell someone how i truley feel
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| * horrible day |
[20 Feb 2004|06:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
angry |
] |
let's just say.. i cried way too much today,and i still am crying go figure. um yea so i would classify as today the worst day of my life. nothing went right. i went to school, don't even frickin ask about it - it just totally sucked. then i came home and cleaned, made me feel a little better (yea i kno im strange) but um then i went out to the farm and rode with mom, ring work was good. went on a trail, almost got bucked off - hurt my hand really bad and got rope burn on my palms. then i came home and took a shower, cleaned some more and here i am. im guna get in my pajamas soon since obviouslly my plans were cancelled- yea he doesn't wanna hang out , it's ok. i'm on the phone with tommy as we speak .. he asked me out haha. anyways - delayed opening tomorrow, sweetness. i'll write tomorrow if anything exciting happens [?]
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